After a tumultuous upbringing and years of abuse, Tatiana’s life was finally her own. No more lying. No more pretending. She was free from the chains that bound her to the abyss of her old life. Tatiana was healthy, happy, and embarking finally upon love. She was living on her own terms, passionately embracing it. That all changed with a phone call and a hospital visit.
Now the horror she escaped seven years ago was back, threatening to once again devour and destroy her. Would she be fortunate enough to escape another time or would her prophesied destiny be catastrophically fulfilled?
Chapter 1 – Fickle Attractions
Rushing, Tatiana headed for her office and another long Monday. She stopped and grabbed herself a cup of coffee, a bagel, and the morning paper before heading to the subway. She boarded a crowded car, thankfully found a seat and began perusing her paper.
“Good morning.”
Jaden gazed directly into her eyes once she looked up.
Surprised to see him, the smile spilled into her face before she could stop it.
“Good morning.”
Jaden smiled internally before addressing her again as they disembarked at their stop.
“Are you still angry with me about Saturday?”
Tatiana regarded him for a moment, sipped her coffee before she casually answered.
“Not at all.”
“That’s good to know.”
“How did you get all mixed up in that whole Islam stuff?”
Jaden smiled a tad once more.
“It’s not really a part of the Nation, Tatiana. And again, we aren’t a cult either.”
She continued to soundlessly regard him.
“Will you let me explain it to you more? Maybe over dinner?”
Tatiana thought about his request, trying hard to deny the curiosity and deep arousal felt in his presence.
“I guess we could do that.”
She sounded a lot cooler than she felt.
She couldn’t explain it. There was something about Jaden that turned her on deeper than lust. She wanted to explore every inch of this man physically and emotionally. Jaden smiled, and Tatiana felt her heart race.
“Great, can I get your number?”
Tatiana managed to give him the information, as well as retrieve his own.
“Have a great day, Tatiana.”
That man is dangerous. Tatiana wickedly surmised watching his back as he left. She prided herself on being tough and holding her own, but Jaden already made her feel vulnerable and helpless when he was around. What the hell? Finally arriving at her desk, she tried desperately to push away what she felt developing for this man.
*****
Nakida greeted him as he arrived.
“Hey Jaden.”
Jaden gave a small upturn of his lips and returned her greeting, not wanting to get started early this morning. He realized for some time Nakida held a huge crush on him. Now she started subtlety letting him know as well.
“How was your weekend?”
Nakida pressed him as she walked with him to his area.
Taking him in once more, Nakida was even more determined that Jaden Paine not get away from her. He was a rare breed. A sexy brother with a good job, good credit, respect for his Nubian sisters, straight, and single. She just had nil clue what to do to get through to him.
Jaden was always pleasant, but he would never discuss his personal life, ever.
“Weekend was good. Went too fast, but good.”
Chuckling he sat down at his desk.
“I can totally understand that.”
Nakida remained in his presence trying to work up the nerve to ask him what she really wanted to know.
“Hey Jaden,” another co-worker threw out as they passed by.
Jaden smiled returning the greeting before turning to his computer booting it up.
Nakida ventured nervously into the deep, clearing her throat, as he returned his attention to her.
“Jaden?”
“Yes?”
“I was wondering if maybe we could go out for lunch?”
Jaden watched her wordlessly. Sighing quietly, he gathered his thought before speaking.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea, Nakida.”
“Oh, I see.”
Crushed by his rejection, she fought to keep her expression neutral.
“I’ll let you get to work then.”
She turned hurrying away before Jaden could speak. Exhaling deeply, he returned to his computer, hating that he hurt her feelings, but knowing he didn’t return them.
His thought immediately went to Tatiana and their meeting this morning, bringing a true smile to his face. She is going to be quite a challenge. Normally he wouldn’t have given her a second thought. Especially after the way she disrespected him in front of the gods and earths. Something told his heart that she was the one. Jaden was looking for his life mate. The woman who would bring compliment to his life. What if she doesn’t come around? Could he be with a woman who didn’t share his beliefs? What about children they would have? There was so much up in the air right now. Jaden wrestled on the inside before dismissing it and promising himself to take it one day at a time. Tonight at dinner he would feel her out. There was a way to get inside Miss Tatiana’s heart and spirit. Once he found it, he would slowly help her find her way to awakening. They would become just what he sought, perfection together.
***
Nakida returned to her desk after a quick trip to the ladies’ room to calm her nerves. She just didn’t get Jaden at all. No matter what she did, she just could not seem to find a way to pique his interest. I only asked him to lunch, not an orgy. Opening a folder on her desk she began her day. As she sorted the paperwork contained, Nakida had a distasteful thought. What if he’s gay?
“That would be so messed up.”
She prayed it wasn’t true.
Rahshaun threw out a greeting as he walked by her cube.
“Wassup Kida.”
Looking up she sucked her teeth softly choosing not to speak. She couldn’t stand Rahshaun. He was a complete dog, always trying to get into every pair of panties inside the office and out.
“Stop being so damned evil. Maybe you could get a man.”
He coolly headed toward Jaden’s desk, leaving Nakida fuming.
“Bastard.”
The phone on her desk rang and she blocked out all other thoughts, answering it.
****
Rahshaun greeted his friend smiling.
“Hey Jaden.”
“Wassup man”
Rahshaun sat down in the cube across from his.
“Your girlfriend been over here this morning?”
Jaden sighed deeply at the jibe.
“Yeah, she came to say good morning.”
Rahshaun chuckled again.
“She’s trying hard to get that dick man.”
Jaden frowned faintly at the crude statement.
“She’s not my type.”
Rahshaun continued to laugh.
“Man, you’re too picky. If a trick wants to give it to me, I’m definitely going to take it.”
Jaden again exhaled noisily.
“To each his own man.”
Turning his attention once more to his computer screen, he went back to work.
Rahshaun calmed himself and began to start on his own work for the day. His mind remained on Nakida and her continual rejection. Truthfully, he was extremely attracted to her, even if she were just a gold digger in his mind. She thinks to fucking much of herself. He asked her out on at least three occasions. She turned him down flat each time. Not like the bitch ain’t passing it out like lifesavers. Rahshaun felt himself slipping, immediately shifting his focus elsewhere. Nakida wasn’t the only bitch in the sea.
Making up his mind to not think about or pursue her anymore, Rahshaun sent Tisha an email asking her to lunch. She worked with them, and she was seriously fine in Rahshaun’s mind. Cannot wait to get up in them guts. He smiled receiving her answer, asking what time.
Chapter 6 – Storm Winds
Sharif was finishing the first 40-ounce and feeling no pain. He was smoking weed now as well. Almost two months passed since Naimah left him. The deception still angered him.
Shandi walked inside the abandoned apartment where they met.
“Hey Sharif.”
He regarded her momentarily before returning her hello. Shandi was another of the young women in the movement. Sharif picked up on her attraction right after he found out Naimah was gone, and immediately exploited it. He slept with her the same night Naimah left, continuing their affair since. Sharif slept with a lot of girls these days. Infinite Knowledge chastised him about his promiscuity telling him he needed to slow down. What the fuck does he know? Sharif was in pain. The alcohol, drugs, and sex were the best numbing agents he knew.
“Did you hear me, Sharif?”
She was on the receiving end of at least four or five ass whippings when Sharif was angry. Still, she always came back, always forgave him. Sharif looked at the girl again taking in how cute she was. He knew if he truly allowed himself, he could fall for Shandi. They would have a great relationship, but he couldn’t. His heart still belonged completely to Naimah.
She hurt him beyond measure sneaking away like she did. Granted he knew she was forced to move; she could have at least told him. They could have worked out something. Made a way to see each other, keep in touch, continue their relationship. I bet she’s given it to someone else already. Sharif’s fury rose thinking of another man touching Naimah.
“What do you want now Shandi?”
Sharif answered her finally, trying to clear his mind and push the anger away.
Shandi steeled herself to speak once more.
“I missed my period.”
She prayed Sharif didn’t flip out on her.
“So, you’re pregnant?”
Déjà vu. He just held this exact conversation with Amanda. His other girl, unknown to Shandi.
“I think so.”
Shandi cautiously tried to gauge his mood.
“Hmph. You need to tell whatever dude you got it from then.”
Shandi felt the tears sting. She also felt the anger rise at his insinuation.
“I am telling the dude.”
The smart retort earned her an open hand slap from Sharif.
Shandi tried to rise from the floor where they sat as Sharif grabbed her. Hitting her head hard on the unyielding surface, he slammed her back down.
“Don’t be getting smart with me!”
Sharif slapped her again.
“You’re mine now Shandi!”
“Leave me alone Sharif!”
She cried trying to pull away.
“You better do everything I tell you to do, and you better not let nothing happen to my seed!”
He kissed her hard after the admonishment. Shandi kissed him back as his hands began to roam her body.
“I love you so much, Sharif.”
He said nothing, removing her panties instead.
“You’re my earth, Shandi.”
Sharif unzipped his pants and freed his erection.
“Mm, Sharif.”
I knew he loved me.
Foolishly she surrendered to the fantasy, as Sharif continued to have sex with her.
“It’s so good.”
Seeing Naimah in his mind, the words were murmured in her ear. Each stroke brought him closer and closer to orgasm.
Amanda lost it walking inside the room seeing them together.
“What the hell is this?!”
She came over to talk to Sharif again about their baby and what they were going to do. Sharif jumped at the sound of her voice just as he reached orgasm. He removed himself from Shandi as Amanda fumed. She eyed them both murderously.
“Relax.”
Amanda calmly gave him an incredulous look.
Shandi, having gathered herself by now, also questioned what was going on.
“Nothing is going on.”
Sharif plainly spoke the words, unmoved by either of their presence.
Amanda reacted first.
“I walk in and see my baby’s father with his dick in some braud and you’re telling me nothing is going on?”
Shandi’s eyes grew big hearing the words baby father, turning on Sharif now.
“What is she talking about?”
“Y’all both about to get on my nerves.”
Amanda another time spoke up.
“I’m Sharif’s earth, the mother of his seed.”
Scoffing, Shandi regarded her classmate before speaking.
“Oh yeah? I’m Sharif’s earth, and I’m the one truly carrying his seed.”
Amanda’s eyes narrowed.
“Everybody at school knows you’re a whore.”
Amanda began walking toward Shandi.
“That baby could be anybody’s.”
Amanda slapped her hard having taken enough insults. The two began to fight.
Sharif regarded the two women and enjoyed the melee for a while before finally separating them.
“Stop all this stupid shit.”
They continued to eye each other hatefully.
“Then tell this silly tramp the truth.”
Shandi implored Sharif to speak up and defend her. Amanda sucked her teeth and tried to get to Shandi again.
“Look, y’all both carrying my seed.”
The two women’s mouths dropped.
“Squash this drama, deal with it.”
Done with the conversation, he picked up the new 40-ounce bottle, opened it and began to drink.
Shandi began to cry as the reality of the situation dawned on her. Amanda was furious, unafraid to let her words fly.
“So, you were screwing both of us, at the same time?”
Sharif shrugged saying nothing.
“You trifling dog.”
She spit at him as she turned to leave.
“You can have his nasty ass. All I care about is my child support.”
Reaching the door, opening it, Amanda went about her way. Shandi took a moment to gather herself. The hurt she felt took her breath away.
“I thought you really loved me, Sharif.”
He gave her a scathing look, drinking more of the malt liquor.
“Grow up.”
Shandi’s eyes narrowed.
“Let’s see how grown-up Infinite Knowledge thinks this stunt is.”
She walked out of the room, just as Sharif hurled the beer bottle at the door and it shattered.
*****
Naimah found the south very pleasurable to her. She adjusted quickly excelling at school and sports. She joined the track team upon her arrival at her cousin’s insistence. Tabitha, or Tabby as everyone called her, was Naimah’s first cousin. They clicked like sisters. Her best-friend Sheila however was another matter. For whatever reason the girl just never seemed to warm up to Naimah. She was sitting in Trigonometry trying hard to concentrate. Math was her worst subject even though she managed to keep a B average. She had to work extremely hard at it. The bell rang finally, and Naimah rose headed to her history class, literally bumping into Denzel Padgett.
“How you doing miss?”
Denzel smiled once recognition took place.
“I’m good Denzel. Sorry about bumping into you.”
Denzel continued to watch her and smile. Naimah was faintly unsettled by his constant gaze. Denzel Padgett was the local pastor’s son and by all accounts a complete hellion. He was incessantly trying to talk to her on a romantic level for the last month. Naimah thought he was an attractive enough guy, but she didn’t like him that way.
“Are you going to make it up to me?”
Using the incident as an angle to spend time, he baited her. He found Naimah extremely attractive and her pushing him away was beginning to annoy him. Being an only child, and his father’s only son, Denzel was positively spoiled. No was not a word he heard often, and even when he did, it always translated to not right now.
“Excuse me?”
Denzel chuckled noting her confusion.
“Well, you did bump into me, rather hard I might add,” Denzel teased. “So, I’m thinking going with me to the movies tonight should show me how sorry you are.”
Exhaling casually Naimah finally gave in. Denzel smiled as he told her what time he would pick her up. As a final point he walked away letting her continue to class. Naimah thought about him as the teacher gave the assignment. Denzel was way too full of himself for her taste. The thing that bothered her most about him was his attitude. He reminded her very much of Sharif. The way he could turn his emotions on and off at will bothered her. Naimah recalled the scene a couple of Sunday’s ago when she accompanied Tabby to church. Naimah was looking for the restroom when she took a wrong turn and instead ended up outside one of the choir rooms. She heard the raised voices, recognizing Denzel’s immediately. Whoever he was talking to, he was giving a royal tongue lashing. Then Naimah heard the sound of flesh meeting flesh as the door flew open and Denzel stood right in front of her.
“I was looking for the restroom.”
The scowl left his face, a huge fake smile replacing it. He cheerfully escorted her to the restroom before leaving her alone. The bell once again rang shaking Naimah from her thoughts as she headed for her bus to go home. It’s just a movie, get through it and go home. Getting on and finding Tabby, she sat down beside her, mind still racing.
*****
Enjoying her day, Tatiana basked in the sunshine as she walked toward home, mind filled with thoughts of Jaden. Their relationship was moving along wonderfully. She found out so many new and exciting things about him. Jaden was indeed a very deep and intelligent man. He treated her like a queen and went out of his way to make her happy. He is definitely taking his time. Tatiana chuckled regarding their lack of lovemaking. Jaden kissed her on a regular basis, but he never tried to touch her or make any moves toward the bedroom. At times Tatiana admitted it frustrated her. Other times it made her feel more confident in her decision to be with him. She sighed heavily unlocking her door making a mental note to call her mother. She promised to call twice a week now, since her visit to the hospital. Her father asked about her more frequently. Tatiana smiled marginally thinking of her father. She and Garlan made a few tentative strides toward co-existence. She was more than sure her mother knew nothing of it though. Virginia seemed hell-bent on keeping the two of them at odds.
Walking inside the apartment, Tatiana threw her purse into the chair. Headed into her kitchen, she grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. She ventured into her bedroom, straight to the bathroom. Finishing up and washing her hands, Tatiana walked back into her bedroom, stopping in her tracks.
“Hi baby.”
Tatiana was stunned. What the hell?! She blinked rapidly, praying this was a dream and she would wake up.
“What, how?”
Samuel continued to watch her a little longer before answering.
“I have a key.”
Showing her the metal instrument, he placed it back in his pocket.
Tatiana frowned quizzically completely at a loss.
“Your mother thought it would be a good idea for me to check on you.”
It all became clear to Tatiana. Virginia was once again helping this man destroy her.
Taking a deep breath, Tatiana stepped back closer to her bathroom door, intending to run inside and lock it.
Samuel took the gun from his pocket laying it on her TV.
“Don’t.”
She swallowed hard too terrified to move.
“What do you want?”
Why wouldn’t he leave her alone, let her live her life. Tatiana fretted as Samuel began walking toward her.
“Why are you so afraid of me baby?”
Samuel reached out stroking Tatiana’s face.
“I’ve never hurt you.”
Looking into her eyes, the fear endured.
“Please, just leave me alone.”
Samuel sighed, taking her hand and pulling her into the room.
“Baby, we have talked about this.”
“Please, I don’t want any part of this.”
Tatiana’s tears flowed. She needed him out of her house. Her mind was already racing thinking of who to call to change her locks.
“Tatiana, do you remember our first time together?”
Samuel speaking reeled her mind back in.
Tatiana did indeed remember their first time and it still scared the hell out of her.
“That was wrong.”
Samuel sighed again.
“Baby, I explained that to you.”
He hated how she kept blaming herself and holding onto guilt that was not hers to carry.
“You were my pastor.”
Tatiana tried to buy time and clear her head.
“I loved you,” Samuel replied. “I still love you.”
Turning her face to his, he kissed her soulfully.
Tatiana almost pushed him away before remembering the gun and how deadly sinister Samuel Conklin could be.
“Tatiana, we’re only 12 years apart.”
She was still lying on the bed where he pushed her as they kissed. He was propped on his elbow, the gun within his reach.
“You’re married.”
Samuel kissed her again.
“I’m divorcing her.”
He casually touched her breast.
“You and I are going to be married, and everything will be all right.”
His cell went off making Tatiana jump. Samuel exhaled tiredly and pulled it from his pocket. Answering, he signaled Tatiana to remain mute. She listened as he talked praying whoever was on the other end would make him leave her house. After he ended the call, Tatiana’s wish was granted.
“I have an emergency.”
Samuel rose and pulled her up into his arms.
“Don’t do anything stupid this time.”
Tatiana swallowed hard and closed her eyes, the words floating into her ear. She wouldn’t tell anyone. Who would believe her anyway? Her past was replaying in her minds eye as Samuel pulled away and looked into her face.
“I am your destiny.”
Samuel kissed her yet another time.
“It was sealed seven years ago when you and I met.”
The tear again trickled down her cheek.
Samuel kissed her for the last time before turning without a word and leaving her apartment. Tatiana broke hearing the door close behind him as the darkness consumed her and she passed out.
*****
Samuel thought as he drove. Sometimes this Pastor gig really got in the way of his life. Still he would play the role and keep making his money on the side. Tatiana was so beautiful. He loved touching and kissing her. Making his way toward the hospital once more, he tabled the desires. One of his other members was in an accident. They wanted him to come and pray with the family for recovery. Samuel reflected on his tenure at Community Christian. He fought hard to become the pastor after learning of the opening from another of his friends in the ministry. It was a hard sell considering he was only twenty-seven years old at the time. He and Sylvia had been married three years with no children. The congregation consisted mostly of young and middle-aged families. Samuel used that to his advantage that he could relate to them, increase the membership, and overall quality of the church.
The strategy paid off and he was installed some six months later. He enjoyed the people at the church and the demands on his time were not enough to keep him from all his other pursuits. Samuel recalled seeing Tatiana like it was yesterday. She came to church with her parents the second Sunday after his installation. She was stunning, even young like Samuel knew that she was. He made it his business to meet her after church. Her parents cheerfully introduced them. Samuel immediately began making plans to have Tatiana in his life. She was the one and he knew it. He married Sylvia at the insistence of his family and his pastor. She was the perfect church girl and would make him the perfect Pastor’s wife. Samuel blew a long breath thinking that she was also the perfect prude. True she had sex whenever he wanted; there was never any fire in it. She obediently did what he asked, let him get his, and left him alone. Samuel was always careful, however. He didn’t want children with Sylvia and he took every precaution to insure it.
He chuckled thinking how gullible she was when he told her it was God’s mandate that they not have children of their own right now. Not when I marry Tatiana. He planned to have her pregnant on their wedding night. Sighing severely, he thought about the fear in her eyes today when he was with her. Why is she so afraid of me? He never hit her, or intentionally hurt her. All he ever wanted was to love her in peace. Maybe it was the loss. Seeing that he reached the hospital he gathered himself. Samuel put on his game face heading for the elevator and the members of his flock.
*****
Jaden was disturbed with all the drama he was handling now. Sharif went completely off the deep end. Both girls, Amanda and Shandi confided their pregnancies to him as well as Sharif being the father. Sharif managed to get locked up for fighting in public. Jaden was on his way to the jail to pay the small fifty-dollar bond set. Concerned, he hoped this short time in lockup convinced Sharif he didn’t want to go back. There was also the matter of the two girls having children from him. He was going to have to man up and quick, so he could provide for his offspring and be a good father. These were the life lessons that the movement was trying to teach the young men and women who became a part of their family.
His cell went off and Jaden answered amiably seeing Wiz’s name on the I.D.
“as-Salamu alaikum.”
“wa alaikum assalam,” Wiz returned. “What is going on with your sector?”
Jaden took a breath. He gave his friend a quick general rundown of the events taken and taking place with the earths and gods.
“Way too much turmoil.”
Jaden readily agreed.
“Well keep on counseling,” Wiz advised. “We can only do what they allow and hope they listen.”
“I agree, but it is still distressing to see them spiraling like this.”
“Let’s hope this time of confinement turns on lights for brother Sharif.”
Wiz’s words, iterated Jaden’s earlier thoughts.
“I’ll keep you up to speed.”
Jaden went on to talk about other business concerning the movement. After conversing for the next thirty minutes, Wiz told Jaden he was going to let him go. Jaden thanked him again for his advice before disconnecting.
His cell rang almost immediately after he disconnected, and he looked at the I.D. again. Smiling, Jaden cheerfully answered.
“Hey baby.”
“Hi.”
“Are you okay?”
Jaden frowned with concern, picking up the tone.
“I just needed to hear your voice.”
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
Jaden spoke again before she could return a response.
“I’m on my way.”
“Jaden, no, you don’t—.”
“I’m on my way.”
What is going on with her? Jaden grabbed his wallet and locked his front door, heading over to Tatiana’s. Thinking as he rode, he realized anew how much about Tatiana was still a mystery to him. That changes tonight. Finally arriving at his stop, he headed up out of the subway station toward her apartment.